Codependency

Codependency describes a relationship pattern in which one person organises their life around looking after, rescuing or pleasing someone else — often a partner or relative with an addictionAddictionLosing control over taking, using or doing something to the point where it harms you, and continuing despite that harm. It is a treatable health condition, not a moral failing.Read the full definition or illness — at the cost of their own needs, health and sense of self. Typical features include difficulty saying no, feeling responsible for the other person's behaviour, fear of abandonment and low self esteemSelf-esteemThe overall opinion you hold of your own worth. Low self-esteem is common and can change; it is not a diagnosis, though it often travels with depression and anxiety.Read the full definition.

The term came out of addiction treatment, where it was first used for the partners and families of people dependent on alcohol or drugs. It has never been an official diagnosis, and researchers still disagree on how to define and measure it.

In Pakistani families, where caring for relatives is a duty and a virtue, the line is worth drawing carefully: caring is not the problem. It becomes unhealthy when it is entirely one-sided, when you are covering up harm (such as hiding a relative's drug use), or when your own health is giving way. Counselling, support groups and learning to set limits help. Read more on codependency.